Little monster. I have one. He lives in the room across the hall. He is fire breathing unless fed a diet of pure chocolate. Then the fire is put out only to be replaced by mud butt. Ah, the mud butt, a weapon in it's own right. Mud butt can make deposits on your kitchen floor, without making a sound. Then step in his poop and track it all over your carpet. Mud butt strikes when you least expect it. Like when you think your sweetheart is sleeping like an angel, mud butt is in his room digging in his pants and smearing poop all over his bed and your angel's face.
In my little monster's arsenal is the every-ready hissy fit. This weapon works best in public places like the grocery store. Lil monster can whip up a hissy fit in two seconds flat. Upon raging a hissy fit, my lil monster has been known to jump out of our shopping cart and hit the floor forming a puddle of screaming toddler. His ever growing vocabulary plays a big role in said hissy fit. "No Mama" and "Owwweeee" get the most attention so they are standard issue with all hissy fits.
Signs that lil monster is only seconds from appearing are subtle, but you can sense him. Turner first has to be told "No" not for any certain thing but just no. It could be a refusal of buying a desired toy. It could be no don't run in front of that speeding drunk driver. Or even no mommy cannot fly. But no is like a homing beacon that calls in lil monster.
Other signs that he is near are the faint smell of poo and the denial of said poo in Turner's under-roo's. Turner hides the poo so lil monster will have something to play with when he gets here. Lil monster has been visiting at bath time lately. He despises clean of any kind, clean body, clean house, or clean nose-all sworn enemies of lil monster. Lil monster is apparently a nudist, as he hates all forms of clothing. Lil monster has been known to rip all of Turner's clothing off, in front of God, mommy, and terrified on-lookers.
In a pinch, lil monster will use food instead of poop as his weapon. This is when chicken noodle soup transforms from sustinence into an air to ground missle. Other favorites are any fruit vegtable or meat that are not in the lil monster's approved diet. This diet, as mentioned before, consists of chocolate and nothing else.
Lil monster is a master of desgise. He looks so much like my son that I often don't know it's him until the attack has begun. Lil monster gets his power from missed naps, sore gums, and the incredible hard-headedness that I myself passed down.
Lil monster is also capable of such charm, it can sometimes overpower even the the most steadfast. This charm is in the devilish smile that dances across the monster's face when caught in the act of monstering. It is used as a stall tactic or in the right moment and the right light it can completely incapacitate even the strongest mommy.
Mom's often tell you that thier child has cow licks in his or her hair. This isn't true, it's a cover story. It is where the hair is flipped up for lil monster's horns to come out. The worse the cow lick the more the horns are out, so be warned. I am not sure how long lil monster is able to posess a child or to what age this can occur. But, if it's any indication, I still have the worst cowlicks in my own hair.
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