Little Monster is out and about, lock up you children. He's been fed a chocolate heavy diet today. He has the strength of ten Lil Monsters. Why would I feed Lil Monster straight chocolate on a day that is rainy and has us trapped indoors? Well, because I made a promise.
Turner has been potty training and having amazing success. Bribery works for us so we use it. For the first few weeks we were giving him a new Hot Wheels car every time he pooped on the potty. It became a regular and expensive thing. Two or three Hot Wheels a day is more than I wanted to spend for the rest of my life. So, we downgraded to one bite-size Reese's cup per poop. Works great too. Just big enough he sees it as a reward. Cost me about ten cents per crap pile. So Little Monster pooped twice this afternoon, thus two chocolate bombs were ingested.
Now to that promise. My sister called and asked if I let Turner open his mail. Yes, I let Turner open his mail. OK she says let him open his Valentine from me. This doesn't sound so ominous. His package arrives today, right after his mid day coco infusion. But, as promised I let him open the mail addressed to him. Low and behold, it contains a box of Hostess cupcakes. Of course I can not take these away from him, he knows what's in the box. So I open it and let him have one cupcake. Damn Abba.
Turner eats the cupcake hurriedly, much in the manner of a crackhead over due his next fix. Then it happens. His eyes roll back in his head, his horns shove through his hair and the crazed smile is permanently affixed to his face. Great, it's nasty out and it's just me and him, alone.
Little Monster is good(or as good as he can be) when he is kept very busy. So busy we have been. We have cooked, we have flown (picture me laying on the floor with him balanced on my feet), we have dressed as Superman, we have hide and seek-ed, we have chased, we have danced, then we watched Mommy fall on the floor and have a heart attack.
I am in shape damn it! How can someone so small have that much energy? How can I not have any left? Granted I did complete my spin class this morning, but last I checked my Super Woman outfit is still on under my sweats. Stamina is my middle name, maybe it changed to Stagnate when I wasn't looking.
Little Monster, being of pure monster lineage, took the opportunity of Mom laying helplessly on the floor to take the entire box of Cheerios and dump them in the living room floor. Turner must have gained control for a brief minute because I did hear him say something about "Get up and get vacuum Mommy, mess in floor". But it was only a brief minute because Little Monster grabbed a handful of Cheerios and threw them in my hair.
As irritating as this all could have been, all I could do was laugh. I wrangled Turner up and made him help clean up the mess. Then we wrestled. I rather like rainy days, even if I do spend them picking breakfast food out of my hair. I just keep on smiling, I know Big Monster will be home soon and I will do my best wall paper impersonation. Maybe neither of them will notice me and I can take a nap. Fat chance, but at least I can watch Brad be assaulted with whatever toy Turner has in his hand when Brad walks in.
I am hoping that all chocolate filled packages have arrived and tomorrow I can space out the consumption of the brown devil food. Maybe I'll just give in a eat a whole bunch myself and let She Monster out. Been a long time since she's been out of the cage. What would poor Brad do if he walked in to find Turner and I both hopped up on chocolate? He would probably grab a cup cake and a handful of Hershey's Kisses and join the party.
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