Loose cannon, good word to describe me today. I am happy, but frustrated with myself. Brad came home last night limping. He got hurt at work again. Last month he tore something in his elbow and moaned and groaned for weeks. He didn't learn his lesson about not lifting heavy things by himself. Yesterday he lifted heavy rigging and pulled something in his back along with stirring his elbow up again.
I was so mad at him when he told me how he got hurt. I lost my temper, something I am known to do from time to time. I am not mad that he's hurt. Truth be told I'm not mad that he hurt himself because he's stubborn. I'm mad because it shows me that he is vunearble.
There is a list a mile long of things in my life that lack certainty. I will never live in one house for years on end. I have no clue where my kids will attend high school. I still don't know what I'll be when I grow up. I can handle all of those things because I do have some really stable things to lean on. Being married to Brad is like living with an oak tree. He's solid, he's stoic, and he's always there. I do not like anything that forces me to see him as a normal person. I know the sun will rise everyday. I also know that Brad is probably slipping out of bed early, just to put the sun up so the rest of us have light.
I have never thought about my husband being able to be hurt. He's the strongest person I know. He does things that not another soul on earth could, like live with me. There are some things he'll never be- mushy, girly, maybe not ever giddy. But he'll always be the best, the biggest and the strongest.
Little girls feel this way about their dad's, I know I did. He could do no wrong and nothing could hurt my dad. I know all these things about Brad. Turner's only two and he's knows them too. Tate will be enamored with him from the minute they meet. It's how the world should be. So, when my tough as nails husbands gets a wound like us mere mortals, it gets to me. I feel the same anger and frustration when his blood pressure is high. I feel maddened when he doesn't take care of himself. Stupid man, doesn't he know he has to take of himself? Who'll take care of me if he can't? I am a whole lot to handle. I know I am meaner than most women, spiteful, stubborn, and arrogant. Brad knows it all too and is the one person up to the challenge.
Brad has shoulders wide enough to carry the world on his back, and he often does. He is able to set it all down and be the kindest man I know when he is with our son. He wants to teach Turner everything he can. He wants to give him the world but at the same time make him a grateful child. He's my big oak tree. He weathers well through any storm. He is constant and always there to lean on. Maybe I am like a poison ivy vine. Not just anyone can touch me. Hold me too tight and I'll hurt you. I am never in one place very long. I wind up and down and back to places I thought I was finished with. My patience is non-existent so my direction shifts with the wind. But my constant is the tree to which I have attached myself.
I see people not as theey are but as how I love them. Brad is my man of steel, not a man who can get hurt. Tabba is my kid sister, not a grown women. I am not a grown-up, most of the time I feel like someone accidentally let me be a mom. My brain just doesn't let go of the rolls my heart places the people I love most in. So Brad has to quit getting hurt, I refuse to grow up and admit he's just a man. He's my man, the most handsome, toughest, strongest guy in the world.
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