Turner is asking for things that I can't give him. Tears me up. How to explain to a two year old that I can't bring him to his Tun-Ba's, Mimi K's, or to go see Abba n Jesse? He doesn't understand the constraints of our geography. What he does understand is that he misses all of them very badly. He knows what toys are at every house and who he would like to play with those toys with.
We talked about the airplane ride, how we have to ride an airplane to see all of his buddies. To him the problem has an easy solution: Let's go on airplane mommy!
Reasoning with a two year old is one of the most trying experiences I have ever had. He also doesn't understand why it's not the best idea I've ever heard to wake up every night at midnight-thiry. Why wouldn't I want to talk or, better yet, why I wouldn't I want to let him in my bed? What on earth could be better than a a size nine set of little feet digging in my back for the next six hours?
The night waking thing is just a side effect of being out of our house and out of our routine for a few weeks. He'll sleep in his own bed, all the way throught the night again, I hope. Before having kids I just knew I'd let my children sleep in the bed with me. Having a child changed my mind. I need sleep and so does Turner. Not one of the three of us gets a good night sleep while piled together in the king sized bed. So a few more nights of him yelling about "Mommy's room please" won't kill me.
What does kill me is when he asks in his sweetest voice "Go see Abba?". Leaving home was one of the hardest things I will ever do. When I left Louisiana to go be with Brad it was only supposed to be for a couple months. A couple months has turned into five years. I no longer harbor the hope of moving back. We won't be back any time soon. Brad's career has taken off and we're along for the ride. Once I let go of the resentment and anger about not being "Home" I really started to like living some where new. Now I look forward to the next move. I have no clue where it will be to, but it doesn't matter.
My sister was trying to guilt me while I was home. She said " She loved her family, and wouldn't leave them". Joking aside it hurt, but just for a second. I didn't leave my family. I still talk to most of them a few times a week, if not daily. More importantly, I am with my family everyday. Because we live out here, I am home with my boy. I don't miss a minute of him. It's a luxury I would have never known if we had stayed in Louisiana. I see my husband everyday when he walks in from work. We sit in our dinning room to eat a home cooked meal every night. I wouldn't trade any of it, not even to be back home.
Being a stay at home mom is no bed of roses either. I'll let you in on a little secret: Being a mom is only about twenty percent fun. The rest is hard work and heartache wrapped up in exhaustion. The good times, and there are lots everyday, make you forget sleepless nights. I forget the tantrums, the whining, the poop in the underwear, all of the less than appealing things melt away the second I see his sleepy little self walk out of his room from a nap. Gone is any frustration when he smiles at me and wraps his arms around me for a kiss.
I won't have the option to have a free moment by dropping him off at the gradparents. I take full advantage of it when I'm in Louisiana for a visit. Day to day life is worked around having Turner by my side twenty four seven. Haircuts are gotten if Brad has a day off, if he doesn't, my hair just gets longer. All doctors appointments are with my baby. Now, bringing a two year old to your OB/GYN is something everyone should try at least once. For the past few months Brad has been working six and often seven days a week. That means no weekends, no dentist appointments, no knowing what day it is, because they are all the same.
The down side of our situation is so small in comparison to the perks of my job. While I was throwing up lunch the other day Turner came in and put his arm around me and wispered "Mommy hair pretty". I know the morning sickness will subside, the potty training will one day be finished, I will always have dishes and dusting and laundry, but what will also always be with me are the memories of mine and Turner's days together.
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