I am an idiot. Turner and I went to Petsmart after leaving the gym today. We went to go get a new cleaner fish. Nite Nite Snail went on into that final good night. R.I.P. Nite Nite Snail September 2006- January 2007. Thanks for the moment of silence. We now need someone to eat the algae. I walk through the doors and the smell of dog food is overwhelming. Turner runs ahead to go see the birds. I walk slowly past the dog clothing section(Yes they have a K-9 coture section). Idiot me starts tearing up in the middle of Petsmart.
I miss my dog. DeVille has been gone since the end of October but I am still looking around the house for her. I miss her little silent self jumping up in my lap or dancing like a fool when we walk in. I am twenty-eight years old and I have never for one second, up to this point, lived with out a dog. I was born into a home with dogs. I used to nap everyday on the belly of our female Great Dane Gretchen til I started kindergarten. I love big dogs, but when moving and traveling like we do, my small dogs were the perfect fit.
I love all animals. Anything with fur and four feet, that's what my mom said I could fall in love with. There were exceptions, I did adopt a hairless, mange-eaten stray, but his hair grew back. Now I need something furry to sit in my lap. Poor Brad, he lays his head in my lap, but it's not the same. He refuses to dance and yip when I walk through the door. He isn't quit harry enough to satisfy the the "furry" requirement either.
I have been trying to think of alternatives. We could have a big outside dog, but not til Turner's older and can hold himself back from burring his face in a thick coat of heaven. Besides, it was two degrees when we left the house this morning. No dog, not even the super furry, needs to be outside in that.
What about a rabbit? Not loyal or loving enough. A ferret? As cute as they are, they stink. A hamster maybe? Those probably can't fetch. There is no replacement for a dog. That's why cats are called cats, cause they aren't dogs. What about a cat you say? I have one tempremental, slightly bitchy, finikey eater, his name is Brad. I could not bring myself to clean up after one more thing that would pee or poop in my house. Brad and Turner keep me plenty busy on that front.
Why can't I just be happy in a pet free home? Because it's just not natural. We have fish. They are very pretty, but not too cuddley. We did purchase a new cleaner fish. Turner was so excited. He carried the bag out to the car, being so careful and protecting his new pet. We loaded up, buckled up, and Turner broke my heart. "Fish is Turner's buddy Mommy!" I am sure the fish is honored to be my son's buddy. There is nothing wrong with loving a fish. But it broke my heart that he can't have a tail-wagging, drooling, friend til the end dog. At least a dog can love you back.
Dogs are just animals with no capacity to love--BULLSHIT! Dogs love just like we do. They grieve the loss of a friend much the same way people do. They show joy and compassion. Most dogs that I have met also understand frailty and are gentle with those who aren't as stong as they are. A dog has the personality traits we should all strive for- They are non-judgemental, hard to get mad, easy to forgive, and they can love anyone. Turner deserves someone like that who would be more deserving of the title "My Buddy".
I am just not comfortable not having a dog around. Am I bored? No, I have a very active two year old. He's my best friend. We spend everyday together and I love every moment. Am I nuts? Yes, as the Magic Eight Ball would say --It is decidely so. It never bothered me to load up my new baby and two dogs to go to the park. I can stick DeVille in the bottom of our stroller an bring her anywhere on earth. She has never been extra baggage. She was just one of us, and we all do things together. She was so well behaved and still. And she loved me, all of me, even the crazy, tempremental, morning breath dragon that I can sometimes be. I am so blessed. I have a life full of people who love me. I love my job. But no matter how full my life is, there will always be room to sqeaze in someone with a wagging tail.
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