Me Me Me

Life has been busy as of late. Running Turner to school, going to the gym, getting groceries, cooking supper, cleaning house. But amidst the hum of all that's ordinary are moments that are extraordinary.
As we all know Halloween is fast approaching. Turner is going to be the mighty blue Power Ranger, and has been asking me to be the pink Power Ranger. After looking everywhere for a non-skanky costume I gave up and told him that Mommy would just be a witch. My lil boy answered me and said "But Mommy, you aren't a witch, you're my princess, be a princess." My apologies to any girl or woman who in the far off future thinks she will be remotely good enough to even contemplate dating my little prince charming, because no woman alive will ever be good enough!
I am trying to commit to memory every funny thing Turner says or every look on Tate's face when they are playing together. I want to always remember that every time we pass the petting zoo on the way to his school he asks where the "Cantaloupes" (camels) are. I want to always remember the smell of my babies, the softness of their heads pressed against my cheek. I have been trying to concentrate on all that is good in my life, and there is a lot.
While I am being thankful and grateful life keeps getting in my way. I will always remember the smell of sour spit-up, dirty diapers, billy goat mixed with feet smelling two year olds. I want to remember the softness is their voices, not the headaches their crying gave me.
I have been having one of those spells where I just don't want to do anything. I don't have any desire to cook, I dread folding clothes, why do I always have to do the dishes? I hope all moms go through these little crappy attitude spells and it's not just me. I think that the excitement of moving has worn off. The house is unpacked and now beckons to be cared for. The babies need constant attention, my husband always needs shirts ironed and lunches packed. Why do I feel guilty for just wanting a day that I do nothing. I don't' want to be asked to fix oatmeal, I don't want to have to cook, I want my clothes washed and put away for me. I want to bathe when I feel like it, with no one crying and making me rush. I want to eat dinner, go sit down and watch what I want on TV with out worrying about the dishes and the left-overs. I want to sleep all the way through the night and sleep late the next morning. I want to go to the mall with out a list or a stroller, shop for as long as I wish and try on everything I want.
I am selfish. Most of the time I like being needed by everyone in my family. Most of the time I cherish my time with the kids. Most of the time I like being domestic and helping make Brad's day a little easier. Most of the time, but not today. Today I want the things that aren't afforded to a mother of two small children.
I think if I was given this magical day where I didn't have a care in the world or any responsibilties I would be bored out of my mind. Turner and Tate fill every moment of the day and night for me. I love my time with each of them. They are both funny, insightful, amazing little human beings that I am proud to have had a part in making. The trick is being able to appreciate all you have even when you're mood is sour. So I am trying to breathe in all the little moments that make up my crazy life, both the good and the bad. Perhaps I will run away with the circus one day, but for now I'll continue to lead the three rings right here at home.

Too busy to what?

My baby boy is growing up, he started preschool this week. On Wednesday morning I drove Turner to school, the whole trip watching for Lil Monster's horns. Lil Monster must have been sleeping in, because Turner is who I dropped off and Turner is who I picked up.
On the way to school I caught myself getting teary eyed. I also took notes on how hyper paranoid I am. How could I, Queen of the Universe, let Turner go and be taken care of by mere mortals? They might not make him wash his hands before he eats, they might let him jump off of the monkey bars, they might let him eat too much sugar, or pick his nose. Despite my fears he had a wonderful day and is ready to go back tomorrow.
I will learn to enjoy my new alone time with Tate instead of spending it looking at the clock. I will even enjoy that Turner now has a part of his life that doesn't involve me.
Turner and I came home on Wednesday, ate lunch, had a cookie and we were talking about his day. Out of no where my son, my not even three year old little boy, farted so loudly I thought it must have blown the back of his pants to smithereens. After asking him if he was alright I started to laugh, after all when is a toot not funny? Turner looked right at me and said " I was just too busy to toot today". This made me fall on the floor. I asked what he meant. He said he was just so busy that he forgot he had to toot. I hope once I get used to our new little schedule that I fill the time up so much that I too will be too busy to toot.

Pack it up, Pack it in

So Little Monster has been lurking around all week. Our Papa Monster, Clyde, was in Atlanta this past week on the new job site. This left Little Monster, Princess Poo and I to man the fort. The week started off pretty OK, Little Monster was unsure of all the packing and he laid low for a couple days. Now that all of his precious toys and treasures are under siege Little Monster is in attack mode.
How dare I pack up his toys? Even worse how dare I pack up the pictures from his walls? I can hardly blame Little Monster for being upset. Little Monster was a sad sight today, sitting on his slide crying that it didn't work. How can a slide not work? Well, because it was laying flat on the ground having been taken apart by Pop. What a sight, tears streaming down his face, snot bubbles in his nose, wailing that his slide didn't work.
Tomorrow I board a plane and take leave of Utah. Will airport security let little Monster through? Are horns considered dangerous weapons? Say a prayer, not so much for us but for the poor people we'll be sitting by on both our flights. Poor unsuspecting travelers. A mom with two kids sits next to them, we all smile, Tate coos. Twenty minutes into the flight Turner is ripping at his hair screaming about not wanting a new house and Tate has sprayed poop on everyone in a two row radius. Lord please protect the innocent.
I am sure we'll survive the flights. We'll arrive in Louisiana where my secret weapon awaits, Booyah. Turner will be distracted from all the chaos in his life once he and Booyah have time to play. I will get a sweet break and some rest before it all starts again.
I can not wait to see the house Pop picked out for us. Little Monster will be excited to inhabit and new lair. He may be swinging form the rafters, if I don't stick him in a box first. Wish us luck, we're about to start the second leg of our adventure. What wonders will Georgia hold for us? I look forward to exploring all the new places with Little Monster, Princess Poo, and Clyde tormenting me the whole way.

See you tomorrow

Denial is my thing. I plan to go on like nothing is changing, even though I'll be leaving Utah on Monday. I am still going to friends houses, staying, watching our kids play, talking, and laughing like my life is not about to be turned upside down. I am great at denial and I am comfortable using it to get through these last few days here.
God makes your heart grow when you have kids. Mine got so much bigger, not only for my children but bigger for all people. It is so much easier to look at a situation and place myself in it now than it was before baby boy and baby girl came into my life. Before T-n-T I was annoyed by peoples kids running around, now I know it's better for them to run than to cry. Before my dynamic duo being late was inconsiderate, now it's what happens when there's poop on Tate's clothes or we can't find Turner's bear. Before my two sticks of dynamite I was me and now I am one of you- the moms. I think that's why my heart grew so much, so I could give pieces of it away.
I have been having to say a lot of goodbyes today. I want to stay a little too long, talk just a few minutes more, get in all my time with you. How do I go through my day with out Becky calling to make sure I am not sleeping late, and who will call at five for the daily recap? What do I do on Tuesdays at ten if I'm not meeting Tyna to let Turner go on a date with his girlfriend while our daughters grow together in front of our eyes? If Janisha isn't next door whose tree will I sit under and comiserate with? Will Lindsie still call during nap time and speak in hushed tones to not wake the sleeping babes? Kaleb and Kira will be too far to ride the four wheeler over to race around the yard.
How will I get through my days? All of you are my days. You are the women I have depended on. Each of you have been with me through some great times and some really bad ones.
Becky I met you when I moved to Orem, two souls looking for a friend in a Chuck-E-Cheese. Sounds like a great country western song doesn't it? I love your wit, your sense of humor, and your daughter. You are my vacuum-er. You came and vacuumed my floor during the hardest time of my life. I had just had a miscarriage and was not handling the everyday life tasks, you came and helped. You helped me more than you'll ever know. You've helped me pack and you vacuumed again. You always know when I need to tidy up, not so much my house but my mood. You brighten everything that surrounds you, I love you.
Tyna you were my husband's "Work Wife", and we weren't even in Utah. I feel like we grew up together. Phoenix was a wild time. We had all of our kids together, even though "together" sometimes meant talking on the phone over thousands of miles. You know when to call. I am not sure if you know how much I love when your name pops up on the ID. You understand the lifestyle of construction. You know the moves come too often and the true friends are hard to find. I am so glad I found you.
Janisha you are my ice cream lady. One of the most meaningful gifts I have ever been given was a pint of chocolate ice cream with marshmallows and almonds. I had just started to miscarry. You didn't say the typical "It's for the best" you knew it hurt like hell and nothing about it felt like it was for the best. You let me be scared and mad, but you brought me ice cream. Nothing anyone could have said would have made me feel better, but knowing you were there was the best thing in the world for me.
Lindsey you are my Pampered Chef. I met you at a party, you walked in as fresh as a breeze. I loved talking to you from our first encounter. Every time I have red polish on my toenails I will think of you and I so pregnant it hurt, getting our pedicures together.
Kira you were my blind date. We got to know each other on mom's night out. I feel a close bond to you, something about going through a really rough time along with another person makes them forever special to me.
So I can tell you all goodbye if I type it. I can't say the words to you, I can't take the tears. Turner has been telling me that we'll see all of you again. He doesn't know how right he is. When he sings louder than anyone else I'll see Olivia Z. singing right there with him. When he says "Watch this" I'll see Olivia O. the dare devil. When popsicles run down his face and arms I'll see Dallan and Makye. When he's in a group of big boys playing rough I'll see Tyler and Kaleb. So I know with out a doubt I'll see all of you and your kids again. I love each of you beyond your understanding. So If I am a little short in our goodbyes, it's because I am only so strong and this is something I can't take. So let's just say I'll see you tomorrow...

Farewell Fry Sauce

I am getting ready to bid Utah farewell. When Brad told me that we were being sent to Utah almost four years ago I was less than thrilled. Who moves to Utah? I'm not Mormon, so I didn't want to come here. I had preconceived ideas about what life in Utah would be like and made up my mind that I wouldn't like here no matter what. Now I consider Utah my home and I have newly acquired family here.
Now three years and two kids later I am deeply saddened to be leaving. I have given birth to both my kids here. I have made some the best friends I could ever imagine here. The people I am leaving behind in Utah are the women I learned how to be a mom with. I have learned so much from each of them.
Not all lessons have been about raising kids, some have had a broader applications. Like learning that Mormons are people too. Just picking, but before I moved here I had never met an LDS(Latter Day Saint) person. Aren't they the people with ten wives? Don't they dress like Little House on the Prairie? No they don't have more than one wife and they dress really cute.
I have gotten to sit in all of my friends' back yards and discuss potty training advice, cold remedies, what store has which cereal on sale, how to make a two year old eat, and all the other mom topics of the world. Unbeknownst to me these sneaky Mormons have crept into my heart. I may not take the Funeral Potatoes recipe with me when I go but I will be taking with me a deep love for the people of Utah.
What other state in our nation has Fry Sauce? We all like to mix mayo and ketchup, Utah just has it already made up for your eating pleasure. I have met and actually befriended women who know how to grind wheat and make their own bread from it. Potato Pearls, who knew? I still say passports should be required to visit Utah, yes it is that different from any where else I have ever been.
My neighborhood is a modern-day Mayberry. I have actually walked across the street to borrow an egg or a cup of sugar. We keep a full stock of pop-cycles to give to the neighbors when they stop by to play in the front yard. Utah is as close to a hidden utopia as one can get. Maybe I'm partial because my son loves it here so much. Every morning Turner wakes up and asks "Who we gonna play with today?" We could be meeting any one of his ten little friends to do who knows what? Parks, hikes, Kangaroo Zoo, Artic Circle- these are some of the fun places we'll be missing terribly.
Yesterday Turner was at my neighbor Mr Tanner's house. Mr Tanner is in his seventies and one of the nicest people I have ever met, he's also high on Turner's friends list. Turner had chatted with Mr Tanner and his wife Mrs Masako for a few minutes and was ready to head back home, we walked in the house and he said to wait he wanted to shut the door. I let him, but before he shut it he yelled "Bye Tanner, bye Sako, I love you" My heart broke a little. How do I prepare Turner to leave his life long friends? It is going to be a really hard next couple of weeks.
Packing and moving are a breeze, hugging your friends goodbye for the last time is what is really hard. I'll call, we'll write and email but I will long to sit with them in and watch the kids play.

LASIK before Layette

Life works better if you can see, it's a simple truth. I can see from from about seven a.m. when I put my contacts in til nine p.m. when I take them out. In the few hours of wakefulness that are not spent with my contacts in I have an old pair of glasses that I can kind of see through.
I walked in to my bathroom last night at about nine thirty and took my contacts out. I was in a hurry because Tate was starting to fuss and I didn't want her to wake up Lil Monster. I figured I could just quickly brush my teeth and head for bed to soothe Tate and drift off to dreamland.
I have been brushing my teeth for roughly twenty eight years. We all know the general routine: wet toothbrush, put tooth paste on tooth brush, insert brush into mouth and scrub. I follow this same protocol no less than three times a day every day.
Being in a hurry last night I skipped one very important step in my nightly routine, I didn't grab my glasses. I took out my contacts quickly, grabbed my tooth brush and the blue tube on the counter and squeezed a bit of paste on my brush. I am a creature of habit so I put my tooth brush all the way to the back of the left side of my mouth. Once my toothbrush had been inserted and I began scrubbing my molars, I noticed the lack of minty freshness that only Crest can bring. Not only was there a lack of mint but there was the odd flavor of powder.
I put the toothbrush down and grabbed my glasses. Low and behold I had indeed grabbed a familiar blue tube, but not Crest, it was Destin. Instead of toothpaste I was brushing my teeth with butt paste, disgusting!
The moral of this little debacle is simple, before you plan your baby's layette go get yourself some LASIK. Not everyone needs vision correction. If you get a headache from watching TV with out your glasses on you do not need LASIK before having you're baby. If you can't see that there is a TV in the room with out your glasses on, I am talking to you. Do yourself a favor and get your eyes fixed before you too wind up with butt paste in your mouth or something even worse.

Twice as nice

I have gotten s few random phone calls/comments since having my baby girl. Mainly "I'm worried about you" or "You seem so happy(with a vocal inflection that denotes surprise)". Why? I was happy and made it through number one. Hell, I even wanted a number two, so it really couldn't have been that bad the first time around.
I guess all the concern throws me. But as a clarification: I don't really like being pregnant, but babies, I love babies. I have already started trying to soften Brad to the idea of a third. How you ask? By telling Turner to ask for a brother of course. No I don't want another one right now, but Brad takes a while to warm to new ideas.
Life with two is actually twice as great as life with one. I have just let go of some of my crazy rules and standards for the time being. Honestly, my bed hasn't been made since Tate came home with us and it doesn't bother me. Instead of spending five minutes in the morning making the bed I spend five minutes laying in the bed looking at my angels. Turner climbs up and hugs me and Tate. Then he stays with me while I feed his sister.
Nursing a second baby is different. It's not the quiet time that it was with Turner. Instead it's time spent holding my girl while talking with my boy. It forces me to sit down and slow down. Turner will come a sit in the chair with me. He'll hold Tate's tiny hand and talk with me. We discuss Power Rangers, rollie pollies, what's for lunch, our favorite colors, we sing, and I love every second of it.
Turner has really blossomed into a wonderful big brother. Brad and I both worried if our kids would be close. I never had a brother and he's never had a sister. This is uncharted territory for the both of us. Fortunately for us, I see no way that they won't be the best of friends. When I hear Turner saying "It's OK my lil girl, don't cry, brother is here" I know he'll be her hero all her life. Every day Turner wants to know if she's talking yet, like it'll happen over night. He can't wait to play with her. He talked to my stomach every night asking her to come out. I have no doubt that when Tate does decide to wake and talk it'll be Turner's name she says first.