See you tomorrow

Denial is my thing. I plan to go on like nothing is changing, even though I'll be leaving Utah on Monday. I am still going to friends houses, staying, watching our kids play, talking, and laughing like my life is not about to be turned upside down. I am great at denial and I am comfortable using it to get through these last few days here.
God makes your heart grow when you have kids. Mine got so much bigger, not only for my children but bigger for all people. It is so much easier to look at a situation and place myself in it now than it was before baby boy and baby girl came into my life. Before T-n-T I was annoyed by peoples kids running around, now I know it's better for them to run than to cry. Before my dynamic duo being late was inconsiderate, now it's what happens when there's poop on Tate's clothes or we can't find Turner's bear. Before my two sticks of dynamite I was me and now I am one of you- the moms. I think that's why my heart grew so much, so I could give pieces of it away.
I have been having to say a lot of goodbyes today. I want to stay a little too long, talk just a few minutes more, get in all my time with you. How do I go through my day with out Becky calling to make sure I am not sleeping late, and who will call at five for the daily recap? What do I do on Tuesdays at ten if I'm not meeting Tyna to let Turner go on a date with his girlfriend while our daughters grow together in front of our eyes? If Janisha isn't next door whose tree will I sit under and comiserate with? Will Lindsie still call during nap time and speak in hushed tones to not wake the sleeping babes? Kaleb and Kira will be too far to ride the four wheeler over to race around the yard.
How will I get through my days? All of you are my days. You are the women I have depended on. Each of you have been with me through some great times and some really bad ones.
Becky I met you when I moved to Orem, two souls looking for a friend in a Chuck-E-Cheese. Sounds like a great country western song doesn't it? I love your wit, your sense of humor, and your daughter. You are my vacuum-er. You came and vacuumed my floor during the hardest time of my life. I had just had a miscarriage and was not handling the everyday life tasks, you came and helped. You helped me more than you'll ever know. You've helped me pack and you vacuumed again. You always know when I need to tidy up, not so much my house but my mood. You brighten everything that surrounds you, I love you.
Tyna you were my husband's "Work Wife", and we weren't even in Utah. I feel like we grew up together. Phoenix was a wild time. We had all of our kids together, even though "together" sometimes meant talking on the phone over thousands of miles. You know when to call. I am not sure if you know how much I love when your name pops up on the ID. You understand the lifestyle of construction. You know the moves come too often and the true friends are hard to find. I am so glad I found you.
Janisha you are my ice cream lady. One of the most meaningful gifts I have ever been given was a pint of chocolate ice cream with marshmallows and almonds. I had just started to miscarry. You didn't say the typical "It's for the best" you knew it hurt like hell and nothing about it felt like it was for the best. You let me be scared and mad, but you brought me ice cream. Nothing anyone could have said would have made me feel better, but knowing you were there was the best thing in the world for me.
Lindsey you are my Pampered Chef. I met you at a party, you walked in as fresh as a breeze. I loved talking to you from our first encounter. Every time I have red polish on my toenails I will think of you and I so pregnant it hurt, getting our pedicures together.
Kira you were my blind date. We got to know each other on mom's night out. I feel a close bond to you, something about going through a really rough time along with another person makes them forever special to me.
So I can tell you all goodbye if I type it. I can't say the words to you, I can't take the tears. Turner has been telling me that we'll see all of you again. He doesn't know how right he is. When he sings louder than anyone else I'll see Olivia Z. singing right there with him. When he says "Watch this" I'll see Olivia O. the dare devil. When popsicles run down his face and arms I'll see Dallan and Makye. When he's in a group of big boys playing rough I'll see Tyler and Kaleb. So I know with out a doubt I'll see all of you and your kids again. I love each of you beyond your understanding. So If I am a little short in our goodbyes, it's because I am only so strong and this is something I can't take. So let's just say I'll see you tomorrow...