Say my name

So, Elmo has been on good behavior lately. No odd food stuffs in his mouth that he did not ask permission to eat. He has kept his noise level down while playing inside and has been very hygenic as of late. He is a good little monster. But much like Little Monster, he has charmed me into what I am sure will soon be mayhaem.

Elmo has been so good that he convinced me ask Santa, on Turner's behalf, for the Elmo Knows Your Name version of himself. Now, before soft Elmo was given to Turner, Santa tried to give the Name Elmo to Turner last year. Unfortunaltey, Santa's elves were sneaking whiskey into their hot chocolate while in the workshop . They left out Turner's name from the list of Elmo's known names. But after a series of write-ups and saftey citations, not to mention mandatory AA meetings for the elves involved, the situation was rectified. "Turner" is now availible for download via the internet. And if you hold a degree from MIT you can easily upload it into the new Elmo knows your name doll.

Don't you think "Santa" had an easier time at Christmas when it just involved putting G.I Joe's together or assembeling Barbie motorhomes? So, I called the North Pole help hotline while trying to upload the "Turner" into the Elmo should know Turner's name doll. I was greeted by a a really jolly elf who walked me step by step through teaching Elmo to say Turner. When he assured me all will be up and runing perfect we got off the phone. Only ten seconds later did I find out that Elmo now knows how to say "Good morning User One". Oh how sweet. It would've probably been a little easier to just change Turner's birth certificate to User One, but I am stubborn. I call the North pole back. They help me again, but this time it works! I feel as though a Mommy of the Year medal should be given to me by someone in a tux with really white teeth.

So now, Elmo knows Turner's name! Elmo also know's Turner's friends names, his favorite foods, what time he rises, what time he goes to bed, and his favorite toys even. Wait a minute, is this Secret Esbionage Elmo? Was he crafted to gather information to be sent back to monster headquarters? Will they be using said information to plan a hostile take over? I really wouldn't put it past anyone with the last name Monster.

So we will be intergrating Name Elmo into the family Sunday morning. Santa and I have had a few conference calls and he has bent the magic of Christmas for us. We will have our Utah Christmas a little early. Santa understands the high cost of airline travel, compounded by the expense of shipping back presents. Santa is a buisness man after all. I negotiated for use of his sled and reindeer team for our return home to carry all the Christmas loot, but the reindeer are union workers and our return schedule conflicts with their vacation time. Santa agreed to deliver Turner's presents early, it frees him up a little on Christmas Eve for an extra cookie break. I in turn, will consult him next year and negotiate our schedules. I will also be contacting a union rep for the reindeer to see if we can work something out.

I hope Turner enjoys Name Elmo. I hope Name Elmo will be let on the plane when we fly home and not confiscated as a threat to homeland security. I also hope that Little Monster doesn't corrupt Name Elmo and start using him to steal pay per veiw movies. The three of them will be under strict observation, Elmo, Name Elmo, and Little Monster. The trifecta of monstering is about to become a united front in my home, my Christmas wish is to stay ahead of the debauchery that I 'm sure is on it's way.