Redemption

So Mr Gay Gay Husband got himself an idenity makeover. Arguments serve a purpose in a relationship, I suppose. Maybe me telling him what was actually making me mad instead of just arguing about what was at hand helped.

Women hold on to words, fights, and emotions, or at least I do. Mr Formerly Gay Gay Husband does not hold onto or really remember arguments. Men are simply hardwired different from us. This makes living with them challenging. Living with Brad is like having a split personality. I have to do what makes me happy and at the same time think about what makes him happy. These are ususally at two different ends of the spectrum.

I have to realize that on his day off he likes to rest, not hike or bike just because I want to. He has to realize that I am not a lay around the house and stare at the TV type of girl. I have to realize that until Hell freezes over I won't be receiving loves notes. He has to realize sometimes you just have to say something nice, even if it takes effort.

So when does marraige become easy? I don't know if it ever does. I don't mean complacient, just not a struggle. I realize now why the divorce rate is so high. Sharing your life with the same person for years on end is just plain hard. It takes so much work. Thankfully having Turner made some things easier for us. We fell right into being Mommy and Papa like we were meant to do this together.

If money were no object I would love to have at least four kids. Those first few sleep deprived, walking zombie-like months were my favorite time of my enitire life. Watching Brad become a father, lying awake at night, nursing a baby and feeling Brad's hand reach out for both of us was when I knew I was meant to be a mom.

I loved nights with Tuner. Maybe because he really didn't cry much at night. Maybe I loved them because I finally had someone to keep me company when I couldn't sleep. Now I love nightime because both my boys look so sweet and innocent when they sleep. I cannot wait to have a baby to share the wee hours with again. I cannot wait to have a baby to share with Turner and Brad.

Mr Formerly Gay Gay Husband listened to me and made real efforts. Our marriage is like all things living, it cannot survive with out being fed and nurtured. Our marriage is lots of hard work intertwined with waves of heartache, and surges of happiness. The trick is to find someone who can ride the eb and flow with you.

I have thought about the new age of internet dating. If Brad and I both went on Match.com I know, without a doubt, they would never match the two of us up. They may even catorgerize the two of us as combustible if mixed. But I need the flames and the explosions. After all, waht would the Fourth of July be with out the fireworks?