My new and improved diet plan

We have had the best morning. I got up at five when Brad left to go hunting. I came down stairs and got to work on my Christmas sewing uninterrupted for a couple hours. My kids got up and we had breakfast and got dressed. We went to the gym where I got an hour of clearing my head and the kids got to play with their gym friends.
After the gym we did a little grocery shopping at Publix. For anyone who doesn't know, Publix has the coolest shopping carts in town. They are space ships and have two steering wheels. I got to talk tot he kids the whole morning and enjoy both of them. My kids are funny, smart and of course they get it all from me.
After we got back home it was time to start making lunch. I had the bread and peanut butter out when I noticed Tate acting like she needed to potty. So I stripped her down and plopped her on the potty. We talked for a few minutes but she didn't act like she had to go. I left her bare bottomed and went back to making sandwhiches. She ran off to go play. She came back to me a minute later trying to hand me a fist full of peanut butter. I bent down to take it from her, but it wasn't peanut butter. Oh no, my baby girl handed me a fist full of poop. So gross. I had to scrub her down before she got it all over her. Once Tate was clean I had to find the rest of her deposit. There in my living room on Turner's little wooden rocking chair was a huge pile of terds. My daughter had stood in the chair, squatted down and crapped. She's so dainty and lady like huh?
I disinfected the entire down stairs. I Lysoled everything. I scrubbed poop off of the chair. When all was said and done strangely, I had no appetite for my peanut butter sandwich. This is my new diet plan. I will let Tate crap all over the house and it will deter me from eating chocolate, Reese's Peanut-butter cups and anything else i can think of.
I could not help laughing the whole time I was cleaning. Turner was gagging and asking why Tate had to poop on his chair. The glamorous life of a stay at home mom is always exciting.