Ramblings of a sleepless woman

I need a sick day. Maybe not a sick day just a pass to get out of a day. I brought Turner to the doctor today for a flu shot. He was great the whole time til he saw the needle and was told he had to pull his pants down. My heart broke for him.
Brad has never been with our kids to the doctor except for a couple emergency room trips. He's never seen his baby get stuck with a needle. Worse, he's never seen the look they give you, like you betrayed them. How could Mom let someone hurt them like this? Even worse, how could Mom hold them down to be hurt?
I need Brad to take Turner back in thirty days for the other half of the flu shot for Turner. He's bigger and older. It's no longer a nasty surprise, he knows it's coming. He can also tell me that it hurts and scream for me to make them stop. I know it's good for him, hell, I made the appointment. It just kills me to watch my baby be in pain, even for that short little bit of time.
These are the times when I thank God over and over for giving me healthy kids. I like to think I am strong and tough, but I haven't had to watch over a really sick child before and hope I never have to.
My hormones are riding on a pretty good roller coaster here lately. When Turner was about four months old I left him for the fist time ever with my friend Nikki. I went and chopped off all my hair and dyed it black with neon pink highlights. My hormones were making me crazy them too. Tomorrow I am going to chop off all my hair again. No pink, out of respect for my sister's up coming wedding. I think it's my way of rebelling against the new constraints of life with an infant. Not rebelling against Tate, just the new found lack of freedom.
It is incredible to have a little soul who wants me non stop all day and all night. It's addictive, worse than any drug. Having a baby is better than the rush from a new relationship. It's falling in love with someone so totally that you even think their poop is cute. But it is also all consuming and exhausting. Or, am I supposed to say that? Well, it is exhausting.
I find myself day dreaming of a night where all I do is sleep for six or maybe seven hours in a row. But then I think she'll only be tiny for a bit longer, so enjoy every minute of it, both night and day. Sleep deprivation is a funny thing. It's like stepping through the looking glass, what a wonder land I live in. Maybe that's why I smile like the Cheshire cat, my life is perfect all turned upside down.