Where is my damn camera cord?

So this is therapy for an insomniac. What you ask is keeping me awake tonight? Something of utmost importance: I cannot remember where I put the stupid cord so I can charge my camera. I know-stupid.

Brad and I were watching TV tonight and an ad for a new med to treat insomnia came on. He said " How can people be unable to sleep?" He has no idea because all he has to do is put head to pillow and he's out for a restful 8 hours.

I am better than I used to be. Now I can go to sleep, but I cannot stay asleep. Every night I am up at 2am. It's starts innocently enough -just a bathroom trip. Then I get back in bed and decide it's too hot to sleep. So I get back up and check the thermostat. Adjust it one degree so it'll kick on but not freeze Turner and get back in bed. Then I am fully awake. So I start to think about all important issues of the universe. Like where in the hell did my crazy ass put the charger for the camera??? Or some nights are spent planning a shopping list, or what order I need to do tomorrow's chores in. I mean come on, this is really stuff to loose sleep over. Yet, every night I am awake for no good reason.

Writing down my insanity does help if it's out of my head then I can usually go back to sleep for a couple hours til T gets up at six.

On top of my inability to go back to sleep once woken is sthe fact that my husband, lovely man, snores. He sounds like a cartoon character b/c it is such an exagerated snore I sometimes think he must be doing this on purpose. But no, he's just sleeping like a baby. So i lay awake and try to block this out but to no avail. I used to poke things up his nose to get him to quit. A well placed crochet hook up the nose is not enough to wake him but enough to make him swat his face and curse while asleep. Hey, at least there's entertainment at 2:37am.

Coming into the office also helps b/c I get so cold sitting in here while the air is on that I must return to the warmth of the bed and Brad's heat emmiting butt. Oh how he loves for me to put my icey hands on his warm behind or belly. But, such is marriage. I listen to his air sucking nose orcehstra and he is so pleasantly surprised by my frozen digits.



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So I never thought that somone going to the bathroom could actually thrill my heart. Turner has gone on the potty 6 times today! So what big deal you say? Bullshit, -VERY BIG DEAL! He grows up everyday. Every day he tells me something new. The past few days it's been "appy". In Turner speak Happy. He screams when we pass our parks and the Artic Circle where play group meets --PAY(play). He's funny and has a great sense of humor. I am not ready for him to grow up so fast but I love watching him learn and master new skills. Mom's are the toughest creatures on earth because our hearts get broken a little everyday. Now it's from how swiftly their aren't our babies but our big boys. Later it'll break when a friend is mean or a girl doesn't like him back.

When he was born ther were a few days that I thought there was no way I go through the rest of my life and be in any way normal. The tremendous responsibilty that slapped in my face was crushing. I felt a literal pressure on my chest. I didn't realize at the time that the pressure was coming from the inside. When I held my precious little helpless baby boy, my heart grew. It had to, to hold all the love I have for him.

It grew also for my husband. I had never seen him love someone so openly and completely.

You want to share how wonderful your children are with the world, but you also want to keep them to yourself. Protect them from evrything, every danger. But without the danger where are the thrills and all that can be wonderful in life? Learning to let him fall so he'd know how to pick himself up just prepares me for what's ahead.



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